I used to believe that if I could just try harder... have the perfect routine, the perfect body... I'd finally become the person I was supposed to be.

In my mind, the inner drill sergeant, was always barking orders:

"Read another book. Take another course. Follow another plan. Lose the weight. Be more disciplined. Be more productive. Be more spiritual.

Just... be more". Because underneath it all, I truly believed: "I'm not good enough as I am." I was always searching for the thing that would finally get my life together and make me feel whole. But no matter how much I learned or how hard I tried, I always ended up back in the same place; exhausted, overwhelmed and wondering why everyone else seemed able to hold it together while I couldn't. At the time, I was living in Palma de Mallorca, and every time I flew home to South Africa to visit family, the same thing happened. I'd return carrying an extra 10 kilograms, emotionally drained and convinced I'd undone all the progress I'd worked so hard to make. So I'd whip myself straight back into "doing more" mode... until one day I found myself sitting on the floor of my apartment, unable to even take the rubbish out or wash myself. The conversation in my head was relentless. "Here we are again, Monika. Pathetic. Back on the floor. How are we here... again!?" I wasn't looking for another breakthrough.

I was looking for relief. So I reached out for support and began exploring shadow work and cycle syncing, expecting to find another strategy that would finally help me fix myself. Instead, something unexpected happened. For the first time, I stopped trying to change who I was.

I started learning how to understand myself. I realised I'd spent years believing I needed to become someone else before I was worthy of love, success or happiness, but healing didn't begin when I finally "fixed" myself.

It began when I paused... and stopped fighting myself. That became the beginning of my integration journey, the birth of InsideOut Wellbeing and eventually the foundation of what I now call the MOON Method and the InsideOut Journey of Reset. Redefine. Release.

This is not as a destination, but as a way of continually finding my way back whenever life pulls me away. Because it still does. I'm not a guru.

I'm not someone who's "healed" and has life all figured out.

I'm a human being navigating life just like you. I have ADHD. I still overthink. I still lose myself sometimes. Old patterns still creep back in.

The difference is that it's become much easier to find my way back.

That journey inspired the creation of InsideOut Wellbeing.

Today, I combine my lived experience with health coaching, cycle syncing, aspects of shadow work, nervous system regulation, mindfulness practices and Kundalini Yoga to support women who are tired of feeling like they need to keep fixing themselves just to feel whole. Because this work isn't about becoming a better version of yourself. It's about remembering who you are beneath the coping strategies, the expectations and the self-judgement. I truly believe nothing beneath your behaviours is asking to be fixed. It's asking to be understood. I create the space.

You show up. And together, we begin the journey back to you.